“Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size.”
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own
Woman and man! What is it that makes a considerable number of us view each other with such contempt, such mistrust, and such anger? Is it possible that men are being that thing that defines them physically, and just don’t want to listen?
A man and a woman meet up at some joint. They enjoy each other’s company. Overtures, we assume are exchanged. A consenting understanding is arrived at and for us as outsiders; the rest is none of our business. I mean they are grown-ups. Whatever happens after an understanding is reached would probably have remained just that – none of our business. But something unexpected happens. The woman succumbs to unexplainable injuries…
I was watching a video once. It spoke of the thin line between advocating for an issue, vis-à-vis what may be termed as subjective criticism against the same. It’s the clamor to buy Kenya, build Kenya but at the same time rubbishing the product for its “low quality”.
Everyone has the right to express their opinion. What individuals fail to understand is that a right does not exist in a vacuum. Rights and duties go side by side. They are two sides of the same coin. You have the right to life, but it is the duty of others to respect your life and not cause any harm to you.
So, back to the man, the woman and unexplainable injuries…
In the advent of social media, every Tom, Betty, Dick, Sally, Jane, and Harry has a platform to shout their opinions from the mountain-top. Shout, yes it is your right, but as you do so don’t forget your duty to take the other person’s feelings, circumstances, reasoning, history among other factors into consideration. This has to be done before spewing out unconsidered, narrow-minded, selfish statements; utterances that may aggrieve. Remarks that may cause another person to feel less, unimportant, assumed, meaningless, petty even…
On social media (and generally in life as it is), there were differing opinions about the individuals in question. Some were of the opinion that the lady brought the alleged attack on herself. She was a walking, talking billboard of sexual connotation, advances, and innuendo. Others argued that even with an actual billboard, the ultimate decision on whether to partake of a product lies with the individual being advertised to (if that was the case). The man MAKES the DECISION. So, how then is it the responsibility of the ‘billboard’ on the actions of the partaking of the product?
Remember the Malboro man? Do you blame him for having a habit of smoking? Oh! I know, held a gun to your mother’s head threatening to blow her brains out if you didn’t pick the habit…
Just classic, blame everyone else except yourself.
Other arguments still view women as inferior to men, therefore having no actual rights. Hence, having no rights, the particular outcome of any abuse to a woman is of no consequence to the man. Alternatively, there are arguments that a woman has rights and can exercise them as she wishes. She can lead a man on, but at the point just before sex, if she says no, it’s no. It could be for WHATEVER reason (you unbuttoned your shirt wrong, you have a torn left sock, your manhood could be tiny – God forbid!). But her decision should be respected.
Being pissed for the man is an understatement of awesome proportions at this point. But still – RESPECT and ACCEPT the lady’s choice. Live to sweet-talk another day, get a new pair of socks, be creative…
The arguments for and against the respect, acknowledgment, rights of women have been as old as time. The question is why haven’t things changed? I think the answer is that man hasn’t changed. And this is the penis bearing type, not the general type used to refer to both male and female.
So, man just don’t wanna listen. He’s been at the head of the table for eons. But circumstances are changing, the tables are turning, and he just doesn’t know what to do. So, he’s acting out (yes he is)… I think he’s lucky nonetheless; women just want recognition, respect, acknowledgment, equality, equity… And you’d think it isn’t too much to ask for. But noooo! Penis-wielding man is being a dick about it (as always). Coming up with unfounded arguments and statements like: she was asking for ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ was), she can’t do the job because she’s a woman, I (man) bought her dinner and drinks, she slept her way to the top, what will happen to her position when she’s pregnant and goes for maternity leave and the excuses are endless.
If man just considered that what women want is to be seen as, looked at, and referred to as man’s complementary and in a respectful manner, life would be a cool breeze on a hot summer day. Woman doesn’t want to be a competitor, she isn’t property, and her only purpose in life isn’t to fulfill man’s needs. She wants to live as she chooses. She wants control over her body, to express herself as she pleases, give birth when she chooses, fuck whomever, work like a horse to fulfill her dreams, marry the true love of her life, go to school and so, so, so much more. She wants all these things without being judged on how she isn’t meant to do this or that because that’s not the way, or women aren’t supposed to do that, or what will people say…
She is tired! And has been for a long long time…
So, men, how do we fix this? How do we get to make us to respect woman?
When we look and interact with her, let us not see a woman, but a HUMAN BEING. Don’t look at her and respect her because she is your mother, grandmother, your wife, your barmaid, daughter, niece, your lover, the woman who sells you vegetables, and a whole host of women you have a direct relationship with. No! You respect ALL WOMEN simply because they are human beings and they deserve your respect.
If one of them was dressed in a manner you feel wasn’t respectable, or spoke to you out of tone, or drunk all your money and didn’t have sex with you or you feel was promoted because she slept with the boss, etc… Talk to her, not at her. Have a CONVERSATION WITH her, LISTEN (I mean really listen to her) to what she tells you. Do not impose your opinion on her. Try to convince her by force of reason, not through reason of force. Also, be open to agreeing to disagree. Besides she is entitled to live her choice and who knows, you just might be convinced to see things her way.
Will it be easy? Hell no! But in every instance, always take a pause, try and really, really, I mean really see things from the other person’s point of view. Does it make sense? Is one or a couple of incidences being used as an excuse to give a blanket conclusion for all similar situations? And when we men (dick guys), come up against instances where women are being disrespected by other dick-bearing individuals, we have a responsibility. We MUST speak out and let those men know that that is no way to treat a woman; they are human beings and hence are deserving of respect, regardless.
“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
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